Why do I feel this way? I'm in love right? He loves me right? And yet day after day wondering of hes still mine, if he still loves me the way he did. Is it over, was it ever real? Asking my self theis questions makes me feel like it never was, as if there was never love, as if he was never there. And yet though all the pain of feeling the way I do, I still love him the way that I did when I fist knew that I loved him. But strange feelings inside me tell me that it's not the same, it never will be the same. I trick my self into thinking that everything is ok. But i take a step back, look at my work as if it's a work of art and its all wrong. Nothing in this world will ever be perfict, but I thought it would be. Just this once. As i feel alone in this world. I relize that it's not me, it's also everyone around me, nothing can ever be perfict no matter how hard you try. Nothing will ever stay the same as it once was. But yet I try, I stare at it long and hard to think about what i can fix, fixing it is the only way that I fel comfort, no one is by my side to help me, just me alone can do it. He told me he loved me but thats not the way I feel that he feels, I feel that he just says it to make me feel good. I feel that he just wants to have a girl friend, not to be alone. But you are always alone and nothing can ever fix that, not even you. I feel helpless as I see my life change before my eyes. It hurts but it has to be done. i have no clue why I feel this way, this helpless vonerable self that I dislike so much, its now me, its the only me, its the me that I never wanted to be. I look around and watch other peoples lifes become great because they have some one to lean on, but me, i have some one. But that someone is never there. Selfish words of hatred and anger come through my mind at times, but I stop and think, this is only the beginning.